I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

When I was young, I had these {ulta secret} dreams of being a country song writer. I would write lyrics in the margins of my notes during college. I still remember some of them.

A leather bag holds all I own

and there’s a gassed up car waiting by the road.

Pretty soon now, baby, I’ll be gone.

*

It’s nothing you did or haven’t done.

Something inside says it’s time to run.

I’m sorry if you thought that I could be the one. 

*

{Clearly, I fancied myself a catch-me-if-you-can kind of girl.}

Then, I was certain I was going to be a teacher. I spent 3 years in college {slowly} moving in that direction. Classes were so difficult to get into that I kept taking other ones just to fill my course load. By the time I was a junior, my advisor informed me that, if I changed my major to Criminal Justice, I could graduate the following semester. I changed my major faster than you can say real-world-here-I-come and began to toy with the idea of law school.

I got a job working at a collection agency where, because I was so very timid, I would wear the headset for hours but never make a phone call. I couldn’t bear the thought of calling someone up and demanding money. I sat next to a guy who would yell into the phone, “Go get your checkbook and pay me!” He was considered quite the superstar in our little pod but, honestly, he scared me.

This whole what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-life thing is nothing new for me. It seems to be an ongoing theme.

I’m re-reading a book called The Missional Mom. In the beginning of the book, Helen Lee discusses a person’s calling or purpose. She asks why women are not finding more joy and fulfillment in motherhood, but I think the question could go for people in general. Why do so many people struggle to find fulfillment?

It’s because we get caught up in peripheral issues.

Should I be a stay at home mom?

Is it okay if I want to be a working mom?

Should I send my kids to this school or that school or homeschool?

Should I take this job or that job?

Go to college or jump into the workforce?

Live in this city or that city?

I believe the various details of our lives matter to God, but only because we matter to God. Ultimately, our purpose is to glorify God with our lives. To love mercy. Seek justice. Walk humbly. Our calling is to continually seek to be in God’s presence.

If our primary goal is to be with God, then we will find peace, joy and contentment wherever we are. In his presence is fullness of joy whether we are in an office or a ball field or a laundry room. Jesus is our peace whether we have five kids or no kids.

I read an article the other day buy a woman who disagreed with the statement, You can’t have it all. Her assertion was that she could, in fact, have it all – just not at the same time. I can go her one better.

I can have it all, if all I want is God.