I had this great thought earlier today and I just couldn’t wait to share it with you. But then someone cried and someone else was hungry and someone else wanted to know who I thought was going to win on Survivor and, suddenly, it was gone. That great idea that would have made a great blog post was gone. Such is life with five kids.

Our mall has this new play area for preschool kids. My kiddos have been climbing the walls in these frigid temperatures so, early this morning, we loaded up and headed to the mall. I am normally a stickler for rules but I let my big kids play in there, too. Then I kind of felt guilty when some other little people showed up and I could see the other moms looking my way. Truth be told, I don’t know that they were looking my way. I am just super paranoid. I just want people to like me – even strangers. It’s a sickness, really.

I’m a recovering people pleaser. An addict accustomed to living for the next fix of approval. I just can’t bear the thought of someone misunderstanding me or misjudging me or just not liking me. So, I have a strong tendency to withdraw, bend, pretend – whatever it takes to please someone. You know what put me on the road to freedom from this sick way of living? Oddly enough, it was someone not liking me. It took someone close to me walking away – saying “no thank you” to my friendship – for me to realize that life was too short. Someone declaring me “not good enough” for their friendship taught me that it just isn’t healthy to seek approval from everyone.

It took a couple years but, today, I find myself in a better place. I find myself able to understand that that person never knew me. Or, maybe, they did know me and just didn’t like what they knew. Either way, it’s okay. Sometimes, God helps you heal by taking away something that you would have never given up voluntarily. It’s painful. It can send you spiraling into a grieving period. Then, one day, you wake up and feel a little lighter.

It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way so that I could teach it to my daughters. There are healthy relationships and there are unhealthy relationships.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. – Philippians 4:8

There are mutually beneficial relationships and there are one way relationships.

that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine. – Romans 1:12

I want my daughters to seek healthy, mutually encouraging, Christ honoring relationships. The Bible tells us that God does not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly {Psalm 84:11.} If I repeatedly pursue a relationship and God continues to withhold it, chances are that it is not a good thing for me. That, my friends, is an amazingly freeing thought.

Y’all are loved.