It is a constant pull on my soul. There is the free spirit in me that longs to run and there is the timid, insecure girl who is afraid to move. There I am…stuck in between.
And I tire of the struggle. I am torn between my desire to be a peacemaker and my desire to throw my hands up and walk away.
I’m in between.
I wonder if He felt it too. He had a holy calling, but also human emotions. He wept and prayed in the garden. He committed to be the sacrifice for all mankind and then found that his devoted disciples had fallen asleep when they were supposed to be in prayer.
And don’t I, so often, find myself asleep as well.
Flesh and spirit are constantly at war with one another.
As I read Psalm 119, I hear the cries of a man desperate to know the will of God. I hear a longing to be obedient to the Lord’s commands. And I hear a man pleading for understanding.
I echo all of those things. Yet, if I truly want to know the will of God and have understanding, I must offer up everything else. Because, you see, we can not have it both ways. We can choose to embrace the things that this world offers. And, let’s be honest, sometimes those things are shiny and fun. They are pleasing to the eye not unlike that fruit in the garden.
Yes, worldly pleasures are certainly an option. But what is the cost?
Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. – James 4:4
Do you see it? There is a real problem for those of us who fancy ourselves a little fence riding. We try to go through life with one foot dangling on the side of earthly pursuits and ambitions and the other one on the side of godliness and right living.
God, however, makes it clear that there is no middle ground. There are no fence riders. There are friends of the world and there are followers of Christ. And no one can be a member of both camps.
It’s time to come down off the fence.