I read the words…again and again. I see something that I had not noticed before.
Cain, making an offering to God – not getting the blessing he had hoped for – and becoming quite angry and despondent. How dare he bring his leftovers to the Lord and then have the gall to be upset when God is not pleased…
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I make a commitment. I will spend time with the Lord in the wee hours of the morn. Yet, when the alarm cries out, I hit snooze and sacrifice that time with Him for a few more restless moments of semi-sleep.
That’s okay. I will use my morning commute to be “with” Him. Thoughts of prayer get pushed aside as cars dart in and out and I can’t resist the lure of the radio telling of the latest release from so-and-so and before I know it…I’m at work.
Well, no big deal. I will use my lunch break. Isn’t that really the best time anyway? The noon bell rings and I find myself chatting with friends…laughing away the hour…maybe make a grocery list or balance the checkbook. I have things to do.
Before I know it I’m on my way home and there is dinner and baths and cuddles on the couch. Bedtimes for children and mindless television…after all, I deserve a break.
Late evening, day is done.
Oh, hello God. You’re still here? Okay, I’ll read a verse or two. I’ll offer you what is left over at the end of a hectic and tiring day. And, I will fully expect you to bless my efforts…
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Yes, I saw something I had not noticed before…I saw myself. There I was with my pitiful offering. There I was with my anger and disappointment that God did not seem to bless the offering I was making.
Who would have thought…that I would have a little Cain in me?
Whoa. I just read that yesterday too. I didn’t see that deeply into the passage at the time, but here I am, feeling like I’ve just been placed before a mirror and am being revealed for the first time. Sort of like Adam & Even in the garden, after they took that deadly bite. Ashamed and aware.
I want to add that while I wouldn’t call it “encouraging”, I do find it comforting that my struggle is not just my own. The best of intentions by the finest of people is widespread among the body of Christ. I’m so thankful that God knows our very nature and still gives us grace in spite of it. I would be remiss in saying that I wish I was on the eternal side of life already, but admittedly, that would be said out of selfish ambition and deep-dwelling laziness. Do you ever wonder why we get so lazy in pursuing our Greatest Love? Why does this struggle, in particular, seem to be one that plagues each and every one of us at frequent times in our walk with the Lord? Even my Pastor admits to have having trouble with it at times, but none of us have any problem offering our time or our minds to evil things. Yet, God loves us still…
I do wonder why it is such a struggle? Sometimes, I think it’s just me. I hear people talk or I read their blogs and they seem to be in the Word all the time and I want that to be me. I long to give Him the time He deserves. But, I think you nailed it when you said He gives grace. We are not perfect, but He loves us in our imperfection. I love the verse in Psalms that says…He remembers that we are but dust. He knows us. He knows the struggles we face and how, like Paul, we do the things we don’t want to do and don’t do the things we know we should.
Girl, I so appreciate your comments on my blog. You’re absolutely correct that there is comfort in knowing that we are not alone. 🙂
Feel free to remove this comment, but I just noticed on your blogroll, you have me as JLI. If you want to make it official, it’s the Bluu Hippo blog. 🙂 Too lazy to hop on over to email (see what I mean about that laziness of mine? haha)