I recently had lunch with a friend who informed me that she “could never leave her kids every day the way I do.”  She went on to add…”I mean, you have just missed so much.”  I proceeded to tell her that I would never have worn those shoes with those pants, but no one is perfect change the subject to a safer topic.

I recently heard Beth Moore say that God will sometimes prioritize our internal spiritual growth over external, visible blessings.  So, if I have prayed earnestly for something that has not happened…it could be because He is growing me spiritually instead…there is something He is trying to teach me…something that will bring me closer to Him…something that will ultimately bring glory to Himself.

I have been thinking a lot about why I have not been permitted to be a stay at home mom…and, well, I don’t have an answer.  But, as I heard Dr. Chuck Kelley say in chapel yesterday…“Why me?” is a legitimate and acceptable question.  However, it is rarely a useful one. So, after hearing that and thinking about what Beth said…I decided that “why” is not the question to ask.  Instead, I began thinking…what work is God doing internally in my heart?  Did He maybe, in this instance, prioritize internal growth over external blessing?  I believe…yes.

1. I have developed, especially in very recent months, a compassion for people around me.  I realize that people are often not what they seem.  Oh…they may appear put together…they may laugh on the outside…but people are hurting.  You just never know what is going on behind the scenes in someone’s life.  People look at me and think that I prefer to work.  I have a great job that I enjoy…so, obviously, I have chosen a career over being home.  Because I know that people misjudge me…I am acutely aware of my tendency to misjudge other people.
2. I have learned to live in today.  For years, I have lived in the mode of …When I stay home I will do…When I stay home I will finally start…When I stay home I will be better about…The problem with living that way is that you never do any of it.  If I learned anything from being in the hospital for so long it was that we are not promised tomorrow.  If I want to do something…or start something…or be better about something…it needs to be today.
3. I need to control my thoughts.  I have allowed Satan to have absolute control over my thought life.  Day after day I would meditate on how long I have been praying for certain things.  I would begin to panic as I realized, if God doesn’t come through soon, I will have missed everything.  I mean, seriously, Sarah could wait 20 years to have a child…but, I can’t wait 20 years to be a stay at home mom.  I won’t have any kids left at home to stay home with!  But, I had to stop.  I have to let God handle the future in whatever way He sees fit.  I need to focus on today.  And, when my mind begins to wander beyond today, I must..take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV.)

And now, not because it has anything to do directly with this post, but just because I love the song…