Fearful Follower?

I have always been an introvert of the most extreme kind.  I have hidden in restrooms at parties because the thought of mingling terrified me.  As an elementary school student, my teachers had mercy on me and allowed me to give speeches and book reports with my head down on my desk.  When my middle school english teacher did not have the same amount of mercy…I failed the class.  Insecurity ruled my life.

In recent months, I have been extremely convicted about this insecurity.  Recently, while taking the Beth Moore study, Psalms of Ascent, Beth made a statement that stuck with me.   Speaking of her own insecurities, she said that she realized that her insecurity was nothing but pride.  Even if she was filled with self-loathing…she was still filled with self.  I had never thought of it that way before…extreme insecurity as pride. 

I began thinking of the times that I have been so concerned with the thoughts of others that I have missed out on opportunities to minister to others and glorify God.  I must admit…I felt ashamed of myself.  I have, for too long, been a fearful follower of Christ.  I want people to look my way and see Christ.  I want others to know that I am not at all ashamed of my Savior. 

This verse has spoken so much power into my life recently:

When they observed the boldness of Peter and John and realized that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed and knew that they had been with Jesus.  – Acts 4:13 HCSB

People were not amazed because of the appearance or eloquent speech of Peter and John.  They did not recognize them as followers of Christ because they had a Jesus fish on their mini-van or an I Love Jesus bumper sticker.  How did people recognize that Peter and John had been with Jesus?  It was their boldness.

I’m tired of being a fearful follower.  I have prayed that God would open doors…that He would allow me to be used…but, most of all, I pray that He would give me a boldness for Him that would cause others to know that I have been with Jesus.

2 thoughts on “Fearful Follower?

  1. It also helpd me to realize that people are not watching me or thinking about me like I suspect they are; they are thinking about themselves and how they are perceived. That took a big load off. We’re all so full of self, aren’t we?!

    Also–you do NOT want to get inside my brain as suggested in your comment. It’s a mess in there.

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